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Joke of the Day
"What do you call shooting yourself in the face with jiz? Homo-cide"
Next Joke
"Reminder: Please just hit the ""RT"" button on my tweets if you're ugly. Don't want people associating your busted face with my art."
"One of my friends maintains that tomorrow doesn't come until you've have 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep. He also maintains that it's September 7th, 1998."
"Did you hear Al Gore's new electronic / R&B album? It's called al-gore-rhythms."
"Our generation is messed up. We have unprotected sex, but have cases on our phones."
"INTERVIEWER: Says here you do magic tricks? ME: *hands him back his business card* Is this your card? INTERVIEWER: holy shit"
"I always pictured Madonna playing The Invisible Woman in those Fantastic Four films... ...she would've made a great Immaterial Girl."
"How do you get in with a pretty nurse? You need to be patient."
"FRIEND: haha she's so cutesay it for him honey HER TODDLER: the moon is cheeeeese ME: well what have we here, a tiny liar"
"What does a burnt pizza and a pregnant girl have in common? Someone that didn't take it out in time."