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Joke of the Day

"You'll never understand unconditional love until the birth of a child. Or hear the beep of a microwave with your burrito."

"Adolescent Sex Limerick There once was a girl named Sue, who really knew how to screw. She would grab my little dick, make it as hard as a stick then ride it until I blew."

"Yo mama so short she does backflips under the bed."

"I caught a big fish! I was going to mount it, but there were people around! Source: Emo Philips"

"How does an accountant relieve his constipation? He works it out with a pencil"

"Chuck Norris can clear 5 lines at once in tetris."

"This haunted house sucks. It's just people sitting in cubicles under fluorescent lights looking sad. Wait, this is real life? NOOOOOOOOOO!"

"I saw a hot dog vendor today... She was good looking, but I don't really want a dog."

"How many ""friend zoned"" guys does it take to change a lightbulb? How many ""friend zoned"" guys does it take to change a light bulb? None. They just compliment it and get mad when it won't screw."

"Has anyone seen the movie ""Constipation""? Oh that's right, it hasn't come out yet. It's probably shit anyway."