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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a smart person in America? A tourist."

"Why didn't Hitler take a taxi? He was more of an Ubermensch."

"No, autocorrect, I'm not ""pooping"" popcorn. Not now anyway. Later, yes, but I don't plan to text about it."

"Never trust a big butt and a smile. Where is the rest of this woman's body?"

"Most famous gay couple of all. Patrick Fitzgerald and Gerald Fitzpatrick."

"Friend: what has teeth and holds back the Incredible Hulk? Friend: my zipper Me: so what you are saying is your dick turns green when you get a boner?"

"17 year-old Malia Obama playing beer pong is the most outrageous thing the child of a president has done since George W. Bush invaded Iraq"

"My friend has canceled our lunch plans three days in a row. I'm starting to think she really doesn't like lunch."

"Did y'all hear about the circus fire this weekend? Yeah, scary stuff... they say it was intents."

"These days people treat their cellphones like its a baby... ..except I never laugh when I drop my cellphone"