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Joke of the Day

"Friend: what has teeth and holds back the Incredible Hulk? Friend: my zipper Me: so what you are saying is your dick turns green when you get a boner?"

"Facebook: Making relationship's look better then they actually are since 2005"

"What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish? One's a scum-sucking bottom-feeder, and the other's a fish."

"An alarm clock that sends the person you like one of your deleted mirror pictures every time you hit the snooze button."

"Which is better Pirate Bay or Pirate Bae? Pirate Bae, because it never goes down."

"That redheaded snowboarder is pretty good, but he could be even better if he did some of his wacky prop comedy on the slopes."

"Why does the leprechaun laughs when it runs? Because the grass tickles its balls"

"""Plagiarism squad reporting for duty sir!"" ""Copy that"""

"When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $85 That's why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship EDIT: Didn't excpect to get this many upvotes. Thanks!"

"I was at the inventor of the USB stick's funeral yesterday..... They lowered his coffin into the ground, then raised it back up, turned it around, and lowered it back down again."