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Joke of the Day

"Received a call from a recruitment consultant. She said to me: ""Sir I have two openings for you...!"" I replied : Yes. I know There was a long silence and then she said..... bastard"

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"Whoever invented ""copy and paste"" should never have to go more than 2 hours without someone's lips around his wiener."
"I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome There were just 30 girls..."
"Me: Have fun on your date. Son: What if she drinks too much, or gets high? Me: You really aren't my kid are you?"
"Hey, teenage girls, don't get pregnant. Unless you want your own TV show."
"What did one empty beer bottle say to the other? ""I'm drunk."""
"My husband suggested I tone down the Botox and just age gracefully. And I laughed and laughed. But didn't scowl. Cuz Botox."
"[Titanic] Steward: Lifeboats are assigned by your star sign. Aries, this boat. Virgo, that boat- ""What about Leo?"" Steward: No. Leo dies."
"A man walks into a bar... ...and has a concussion."
".@LAPD My wife made hazelnut ""coffee"" with my coffee maker. Send all available units."