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Joke of the Day

"Whoever invented ""copy and paste"" should never have to go more than 2 hours without someone's lips around his wiener."

"100% of people who eat in the dining area of the grocery store are murderers."

"I asked my grandma what she wanted for Christmas & all she said was ""a race war"" (??)"

"My friend Phillip got his lip removed yesterday.. we call him Phil now"

"Today, at the train station, my mood ring was stolen... but I'm not sure how I feel about it."

"Why don't people hang out with the mushroom? He isn't a fungi."

"I overheard my daughter asking the little boy next door, ""Are you the opposite sex, or am I."""

"What's the difference between a lobster with a boob job and a Greyhound terminal? One's a busty crustacean and the other's a crusty bus station."

"Would you rather...? Would you rather have fucked a goat but nobody knows, or everyone thinks you fucked a goat but you didnt and there's no way to change their mind?"

"It's raining men because the aliens are returning the abductees in the most compelling way possible."