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Joke of the Day

"*slides a cheese slice with my number written on it in your pocket*"

"You left a note on the fridge saying ""This isn't working. Goodbye"" but I opened it and it was working perfectly well. I don't get it."

"*Food hits floor* Little Germs: ""Let's get it!"" King Germ: ""No!!! We must wait 5 seconds......"""

"Why don't Jedi mathematicians use the absolute value function? Because only a Sith deals in absolutes. ^and ^it's ^non-differentiable ^at ^0"

"Not a single one of my girlfriends has stuck around to see how many old school WWF finishing moves I know."

"I didn't see you at the camouflage competition private. ""THANK YOU, SIR"""

"What do male lawyers call a female barrister? A barista. Because she's only useful for getting coffee."

"That's about as useful as... ...Anne Frank's drumkit."

"A guy votes for Donald Trump The guy"

"Anyone know where I could find a bunch of ""Glad You Aren't Here"" postcards to send out when I go on my vacation in a few weeks? I'll need about 50 of them."