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Joke of the Day

"*slides a cheese slice with my number written on it in your pocket*"

"What's worse than finding Astroglide on your Mom's shopping list? Finding an empty bottle in the trash."

"what type of cancer do mimes get? Gesticular"

"I want to open a resturant called ""I don't care"" So I could finally go to that place my girlfriend is always talking about."

"Someone told me that women live to be woken up with oral sex... ... but when I tried it my wife woke up and said ""WTF get that thing out of my mouth!!"""

"What are the chances of familiarising myself with a semiaquatic amphibian to the point of ownership? My newt."

"What do you call a broken lizard? Ereptile dysfunction"

"What did one flea say to the other after a night out ? Shall we walk home or take a dog ?"

"The Past, the Present and the Future Walked into a Bar... It was tense."

"[me, in a sting operation] Can I buy your best stuff? DRUG DEALER: what do u mean by stuff? *talking into my shirt* what do I mean by stuff?"