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Joke of the Day

"Not a single one of my girlfriends has stuck around to see how many old school WWF finishing moves I know."

"What do you call a german who is afraid of enclosed spaces? Klaustrophobic"

"an unfaithful man what does an unfaithful man say to his wife after having sex? I'll be home in half an hour."

"I decided to sell my vacuum... It was just collecting dust."

"What would The Beatles have been called if Ringo never joined? The Beatless"

"What did the grad students call the new Asian post-doc? The Yellow Fellow."

"I see dead people."

"life is just a series of people giving up on you til your body gives up too but yeah sure, I'll bring my famous guacamole to the baby shower"

"*Reads your tweets, vomits into a bucket, mails bucket to you*- see what you made me do?"

"*sees a tweet i don't like from a person i follow voluntarily on a free website* I am entitled to compensation"