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Joke of the Day

"Orc try to get at you? Hobbit like it's hot. Sauron get an attitude? Hobbit like it's hot. *click clack click clack click*"

"*therapist writes in pad* Me: Sometimes I feel like people don't notice me- *therapist jumps* Therapist: SHIT! HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN THERE?"

"MARRIAGE TIP: When your wife forgets to set the timer and incinerates dinner, DO NOT whistle ""If I Only Had a Brain"" from the Wizard of Oz."

"A good woman is like home WiFi: Full of knowledge. Always there for you. Used by your roommate WHEN YOU'RE NOT THERE THAT'S RIGHT AMY I KNOW"

"Two aerials get married... .. the Reception was amazing."

"I asked Donald Trump what he thought about my penis He said it's going to be huuuuuuge."

"What do call a horse that lives near you? A naybor"

"Little Johnny comes home one day... and says, ""Mom! Little Mark next door has a penis like a peanut!"" ""What do you mean, Johnny? Is it shaped like a peanut?"" ""No,"" says Johnny. ""It's salty"""

"People say... People say I'm not a fun loving person. Well some nights I am, some I'm not. That's all folks! I'll be sitting on the bleachers if any one needs me!"

"When you swallow a spider in your sleep, eat some dead flies the morning after to ensure the spider gives you a positive Trip Advisor rating"