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Joke of the Day

"[Divorce court] Her: I found his Twitter account. I want a divorce. Judge: He was cheating? Her: No, he was doing inspirational tweets."

"""Damn girl, you look hot"" Really? ""Like a sexy little italian car"" DID YOU JUST CALL ME FIAT?!?"

"What did Jesus say after he was resurrected? Nailed it"

"Two television sets got married. The wedding was boring, but the reception wasbeautiful."

"""Bones?"" I said. ""Is that you?"" ""In the flesh"", it replied."

"Stranger danger is a very real thing. They nearly always react badly to proposals."

"I tell people my parents are divorced, but technically we lost my mom in a corn maze"

"Drunk is when you feel sophisticated but can't pronounce it."

"Is there any Indian left? No, there's naan left."

"Took the batteries out of the smoke detector to use in my remote cause I would rather die in a fire than have to get up & change the channel"