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Joke of the Day

"I tell people my parents are divorced, but technically we lost my mom in a corn maze"

"I'm sorry, this is awkward. Those weather maps are interesting but I'm actually looking for a ""meaty urologist."""

"Why did the condom fly across the room? Because it was pissed off. (Also sorry)"

"I wanted to get a brain transplant... But I changed my mind."

"Houseguests should have a mandatory bedtime."

"Sorry I asked if your grandparents were part of the Halloween display at your house."

"I like my women how I like my lightbulbs... ...not too bright, easy to turn on, and hanging in my basement by a wire."

"I wasn't happy getting A,B and C in my results today. Having three types of Hepatitis is almost unheard of."

"The old waterlogged corpse gag How do you make a waterlogged corpse's dick float? Seltzer water, a scoop of strawberry ice cream, and a waterlogged corpse's dick."

"I went to a party at Paris Hilton's place last night. The party was fun but now I feel hungover. I tried to take some paracetamol but Paris-ate-them-all. hew hew"