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Joke of the Day

"Two television sets got married. The wedding was boring, but the reception wasbeautiful."

"If you are on a low-sodium diet avoid my twitter because I AM VERY SALTY TODAY."

"Of course every kiss begins with k. That's how the English language works, stupid."

"What's the difference between a paycheck and a penis? You don't have to beg your girlfriend to blow your paycheck!"

"Well, when we ordered nachos, you ate all the ones in the middle with the most cheese, but no... I have no idea who set your car on fire."

"When you think your life couldn't be any more pathetic, remember some people have more than 1 Facebook account."

"What does Neil Degrasse Tyson call orgies... ...the big bang courtesy of reds"

"I went to the zoo, which is unfortunately closing due to a lack of visitors, and all that was left to see was... the going out of business snail."

"Neighbor: Yard sale huh? How much's mower? Me: $50 Him: Wait! That's the one you borrowed from me! Me: $20 Him: Its a $500 mower! Me: ..$100"

"Why did the math student fail his exam? He needed to sketch the sine and cuisine graphs but only knew how to do cos(-x)"