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Joke of the Day
"Why did the gum cross the road? Because it was under the elephants foot."
Next Joke
"My girlfriend might be a gorilla... Everyone is always taking their dicks out for her."
"Sucks that these Crest strips only come in white"
"what did the hat say to the other hat? ""you go on ahead."" I'd like to thank Twitternation, Steve Wozniak, Adam Schefter, @MattGroening and anyone else who helped me achieve this great feat!"
"Why is there no gambling in Africa? Too many cheetahs."
"the homeless woman I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home, and she said yes with a big smile. The look on her face soon changed when I walked off with her cardboard box."
"Boss: Isn't your new job kind of a [stifling laughter] sideways move? Crab: [to HR person] see this is what I'm talking about"
"If I put a cheddar cheese stick in a pencil sharpener Will it come out sharp or shredded?"
"Therapist: Talk about your friends. Me: Now John at the bar is a friend of mine... T: That's a Billy Joel song. Me: You're no fun."
"Honey I Shrunk The Kids And Then I Shrunk The Lawnmower And They Are Riding It Around My Head And Giving Me A Haircut It Is Awesome"