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Joke of the Day

"the homeless woman I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home, and she said yes with a big smile. The look on her face soon changed when I walked off with her cardboard box."

"My deaf girlfriend was talking in her sleep last night... She nearly took my fucking eye out."

"How many film directors does it take to change a light bulb? Just one but he wants to do it thirty-two times and when he's done everyone says that his last light bulb was much better."

"Have y'all heard that new hot rapper with Muscular Dystrophy? ""TWO CAAAAAAAAAAAAANES!"""

"What does Al-Libi use for his defense during his trial? His alibi."

"*sees neighbors bringing in KFC *knocks on door Have you seen my dog she got out *teary eyed Neighbor: Aw. No, but if there's- Some KFC?"

"Why do husbands die before their wives? They want to."

"can't wait to see how dudes figure out how to still get really mad at each other when cars are all self-driving"

"How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb? How many cops does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Zero, they will just beat the room for being black."

"If guns don't kill people, people kill people, Then it must also be true that toasters don't toast toast. Toast toast toast."