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Joke of the Day

"Two Muffins are sitting in an oven... The first muffin says ""Man, it is hot in here!"" then the second muffin says ""HOLY SHIT A TALKING MUFFIN!"""

"What do you call someone on the borderline of being diagnosed with a borderline personality disorder? An asylum seeker."

"OLD MAN: I fought in WWII ME: Oh yeah? What was your kill:death ratio OLD MAN: what ME: Can you rocket jump? OLD MAN: I wish Hitler had won"

"What if your pillow could collect your dreams and when you wake up, You could plug it into your computer And watch them over again."

"Twitter. Finally an app that makes people stop at yellow lights."

"Why did Hitler hate juice? Cause it was too hasidic. ^^^I'll ^^^be ^^^here ^^^all ^^^week"

"Why does Dr. Pepper come In cans? He's a strange dude."

"I asked my friend in North Korea how it was there. He said he cant complain..."

"yeah i got a gym membership. its called life. watch me lift this big ass rock. now im gonna do 20 reps of pretending im a beautiful bird"

"Why I Chose my Internet Provider I chose Cox. At least they are honest about who they are."