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Joke of the Day

"yeah i got a gym membership. its called life. watch me lift this big ass rock. now im gonna do 20 reps of pretending im a beautiful bird"

"Someone told me to make a philosphy joke. My response: I Kant."

"What's black, blue, and red all over? The Grudge at a rave."

"What did one sunbathing pig say to another? I'm bacon."

"A Chess Shop A man walks into a chess shop, and going over to the small asian manager, he asks if he can purchase a piece. The manager says, ""Oh sure. Take a rook."""

"I got kicked out of the procrastinators club when I showed up for our first meeting.."

"They say in a group of friends, there's always one person who's probably a psychopathic killer. There's no group now... I couldn't take that chance."

"My Girlfriend is leaving me after learning that I spent our life savings on a penis extension. She said that she could not take it any longer."

"Latest Apple news: Tablet rumours a hoax. Apple to unveil new iPhone with rotary dial in plan to dominate senior demographic."

"Did you hear about the 4th place winner with the muscle condition? Even though he didn't rank in the top three he still got atrophy."