212821

Joke of the Day

"I'm never mean to a girl in glasses, because she will most likely turn out to be hot and popular by the end of the movie."

"There was a piece of cake in the fridge with a note on it that said, ""Don't eat me."" Now there's an empty plate and a note, ""I don't take orders from a cake."""

"Girl, I like you so much, I might even let you hold my phone....some day, while its locked"

"Drinking hard liquor is... pretty whisky business."

"How do you drown a polar bear? Cut a hole in the ice. Put a line of peas around the hole. When the polar bear takes a pea, kick him in the ice hole."

"*Giving TED talk* Me: *points at guy* sir, reach under your chair! *he does and a mousetrap snaps* Me: trust no one *audience claps*"

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Bug ! Bug who ? Bug Rodgers !"

"What do you find in an elephants graveyard ? Elephantoms !"

"Roses are red, Violets are red... Actually, I think my garden's on fire"

"I saw a man convulsing on the ground and jacking off... ...I thought he was having a seizure. Turned out he was just having a stroke!"