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Joke of the Day

"The Katy Perry song that goes, ""You're hot and you're cold,"" was actually about a microwaveable burrito."

"Why is my kitchen floor so gross I just mopped like 3 months ago."

"It's cute the way they make the Oreos bag resealable like I'm not going to eat them all."

"why are all jewish men circumcised? because jewish women won't touch anything unless it's at least 10% off."

"COMMENCE ANNIHILATI... Sorry, wrong notes, that's tomorrow's speech. Here's the right one: You have nothing to fear from Project Omega ..."

"Me: I want to buy this chicken Farmer: Ok. Gonna take him home and eat him? *imagines self fighting crime with new chicken buddy* Me: Yes"

"How many bassists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None. Just have the keybord player do it with their left hand."

"What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino? Elephino"

"Husband to wife: ""I am impressed, you only talked to your friend on the phone for 20 minutes."" Wife: ""Oh, I dialed the wrong number"""

"How many Deadheads does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they just watch it burn out and follow it around for 30 years."