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Joke of the Day

"Why is my kitchen floor so gross I just mopped like 3 months ago."

"What's that thing called where every time you stand up you have to limp for the first minute? Oh yeah...39"

"Did you hear about the hooker that went to the bank for a loan? She just needed something to get her by until she could get back on her back"

"Why don't you see any slow black people? Because the slow ones are in prison."

"Him: Whatcha thinkin about? Me: How ferrets are like if a cat and a scarf had a baby."

"I went to the doctor yesterday I told him my penis suddenly turned into a tiny green ball. He said I may have peacock syndrome."

"If a tree falls down in the woods... But nobody is around to hear it. Does a hipster still buy the album?"

"My uber driver asked me how my day was so I opened the door and quietly rolled into the road."

"My girlfriend asked me to stop singing Oasis songs. I said maybe."

"how to talk to a woman wearing headphones: 1. be the artist she has currently chosen to listen to through her headphones"