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Joke of the Day

"Me: I want to buy this chicken Farmer: Ok. Gonna take him home and eat him? *imagines self fighting crime with new chicken buddy* Me: Yes"

"Before being born, I wish I would have been able to select the difficulty level of my life."

"How can you tell you are dealing with an extroverted engineer? He's staring at somebody else's shoes."

"Are you sure we haven't met before? Because I feel like I hate you from somewhere."

"[In this tweet spoons fall in love harder than anyone] ""My darling I am a spoon for you, you fill my world with frogs"" [and frogs are joy]"

"A bum gets on a bus and walks past a nun. The nun says ""youre going to hell"". The bum yells ""Damn, Im on the wrong bus"" ! :D"

"If my wife comes to bed nude it's ON, but when it's me at the end of the bed naked she's all ""what are you doin, we're at Mattress City."""

"Mrs Saggy: Mrs Wrinkly tried to have a facelift last week. Mrs Baggy: Tried to? Mrs Saggy: Yes they couldn't find a crane strong enough to lift her face!"

"I came back from holiday in India with a really heavy case of diarrhea... ...but they wouldn't let me take it through customs."

"Me: Phone a friend Judge: That's not how this works"