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Joke of the Day

"How many Deadheads does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they just watch it burn out and follow it around for 30 years."

"I made a joke for my dog tonight... Why did the cat cross the road? Splat *clap my hands*. It didn't!! (My dog loved it.)"

"Do you like yogurt? I bet I like it more than you. I'd put money on it. I'll come to your fucking house."

"Why was the programmer unhappy at his job? He wanted arrays. It had to be reiterated several times before it was sorted out."

"I just killed a huge spider crawling along the floor with my shoe. I don't care how big a spider is, nobody steals my fucking shoe!"

"A woman walks up to the bar and asks the bartender for a double entendre. So the bartender gave it to her"

"I wish I could play little league again. I'd be so much better now."

"My 5'2"" friend and a person in debt both have something in common. They're both coming up short."

"I only drink Smart Water now. I think it's really helping my... my head thinking thingie."

"Return to empty house. TV turned on to UFC. Faint smell of Axe body spray. Worst fear realized. My house has polterguys."