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Joke of the Day

"Why does Pinocchio lie? because he's a fucking liar"

"""Give me 'bored.' Give me 'late for lunch.' Scowl at a tree. Scowl at a tree. Look at a bird like you hate it."" - book jacket photographers."

"Flight Attendant: ""Would you like some headphones?"" Me: ""How did you know my name is Phones?"""

"Why did Helen Keller masturbate with only one hand? So she could moan with the other."

"Why is Bon Jovi's bed always messy? Because he doesn't think it matters if you make it or not."

"My grandma died after eating too many gingerbread houses last night... The doctors diagnosed her with a rare case of ""munch-housing-syndrom"""

"No matter how lazy you feel, just remember that Goldilocks decided to take a nap during a b&e."

"A man was dissatisfied with a Chad Kroeger album he bought off of the 95% rack... So he returned it and got his Nickelback"

"The wife just walked out of the store with bags and didn't notice me standing here. Maybe I need to put 75% off on my T-shirt"

"When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did-in his sleep Not screaming like the passengers in his car."