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Joke of the Day

"What do you get when you cross an attention whore with an attention horse? The centaur of attention."

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"I'm tired of being told to remove my card rapidly. Starting a new ATM for people who wanna remove their card at a more chill pace"
"People who are afraid of pedophiles Need to grow up"
"3 guys just arrived to heaven and... 3 guys just arrived to heaven and then Jesus proceeds to call by their names: - ""Rand"" kiss my hand! - ""Pete"" kiss my feet! Then Jesus: Rick!? Why are you running?"
"If I had a dime for every nickel I had I would have three cents"
"What's the hardest part of the vegetable to eat? The wheelchair."
"Baby Shirt Idea: Did 9 months in solitary confinement"
"Why don't bananas snore? Because they don't want to wake up the rest of the bunch."
"[shady nighttime meeting at the aquarium] AQUARIUM EMPLOYEE: eels are already pretty slippery man ME: shut up and help me butter them"
"The guy who invented urine therapy died a few days ago. May be rest in peace."
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