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Joke of the Day

"3 guys just arrived to heaven and... 3 guys just arrived to heaven and then Jesus proceeds to call by their names: - ""Rand"" kiss my hand! - ""Pete"" kiss my feet! Then Jesus: Rick!? Why are you running?"

"[Ancient Egypt job centre] - Name? ""Ankhesenamun"" - How do you spell that? ""Reed comb water Ankh, bendy straw water shitting priest"""

"What did the sign say on the abandoned nuclear reactor? Gone fission"

"It's disturbing when the water pressure in a drinking fountain drops when a toilet is flushed, but even more so when it gets stronger."

"What do you get when you inject a goat with human DNA? A ban from the petting zoo."

"When somebody sends me a ""k"" text, I assume they forgot the rest of ""fuc_ you"", so I make sure to correct them."

"Did you know you can take a whole nap and wake up and football will still be on?"

"""Relax. It's not a competition."" ""Right. That's what I say."" ""But I said it first."""

"""Asphyxiate' would be worth like a million points..."" I thought to myself as I lay choking on a Scrabble tile."

"Poetry about Pawn Stars You want a poem? Best I can do is haiku, take it or leave it."