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Joke of the Day

"[shady nighttime meeting at the aquarium] AQUARIUM EMPLOYEE: eels are already pretty slippery man ME: shut up and help me butter them"

"I like to shave my pubes... It helps reduce the wind resistance and makes me able to run faster. You haven't seen me on the news yet because I'm too fast."

"Yes, your honor, but in my defense I thought he was stung by a jellyfish"

"I was going to use Bing for all my searches ...but I couldn't find myself doing it"

"I guess you could say Luke Skywalker single-handedly defeated the empire. I told this joke to someone in a dream, and when I woke up I realized it was actually funny."

"What's it called when you kidnap a ghost? A Polter-Heist"

"""I have to take a shit, play Stairway To Heaven."" - Radio DJ's"

"The first rule of liars club is to tell everyone you're in fight club."

"Here's a good one The 2016 political race."

"Whats the difference between New York and Middle Earth? Two towers."