100701

Joke of the Day

"""I piss off a lot of deaf people when I talk"" -Italians"

"I like my coffee like I like my women... Hot, mocha, and overpriced. Prostitutes. I like prostitutes."

"*mob meeting* ayo new guywho're you? ""they call me the butcher"" oh yea? why's that, butch? *smacks him with a pork loin* ""no reason"""

"""Dad, how do you feel about abortions?"" ""Ask your sister!"" ""I don't have a si- Oh."""

"Did you hear about our camping trip? It was in tents! I'll see myself out."

"People say you can't compare apples to oranges... ... always seemed like a fruitful comparison to me though."

"*at funeral* ME: I know how you feel FRIEND: Dont bring up the time you only got yel-- ME: One time I only got yellows in my Starburst pack"

"The very first thing my 3yo daughter said to me this morning was ""I know how to start a fire!"" so nothing you guys say today can scare me."

"""I have a cure for your burning bush."" Moses hitting on the ladies"

"I contacted Screwfix the other day. Once again they have assured me they're not a dating agency."