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Joke of the Day

"[wedding reception] DAVE IS HAVIN A SEIZURE Paramedic: How long has he been having convulsions? IDK HE'S WHITE, I THOUGHT HE WAS DANCING"

"Breaking News: Scientists clone a new hybrid cantalope and cauliflower. ""We call it the melon-cauli,"" says Dr. Noah Lot of OMG I'm so sorry"

"""Sit down. I've got some bad news."" (Every Milkman's boss 30 years ago)"

"Someone stole my Microsoft Office and they're gonna pay! You have my word!"

"What do you get... Q. What do you get if you cross a large dinosaur with a frog? A. A diplo-croak-us."

"[remodel] Me: can you please keep that awful noise down? Contractor: for the last time, sir, we don't control who's running for president."

"I was going to make a gay joke. Butt fuck it, that's not cool. Cum on guys."

"What do Caitlyn Jenner and my Chrysler have in common? They're both convertables."

"I approached a photographer and took his picture. He had me arrested.."

"what was hitler's favorite weather pattern? HEIL"