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Joke of the Day

"Her: I bet you forgot it. Him: I have a photographic memory. [shakes violently] Her: ? Him: Sorry, it's a Polaroid. Is it Becky? Her: NO"

"How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just two. The trouble's getting them in there."

"It's not so much that I love karate as it is that I hate boards."

"why are narwhals so sexually attracted to everything? because they are horny"

"I successfully said ""Worcestershire sauce"" today!"

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Alpaca ! Alpaca who ? Alpaca picnic lunch !"

"Who do you think was smarter, Jesus or Buddha? I mean, just in terms of not letting themselves get crucified. *-Anthony Jeselnik, Shakespeare*"

"Like a true gentlemen, I always put women and children first. I hate walking into spiderwebs..."

"I enjoy long romantic walks to the fridge."

"A man was caught having sex with the Venus de Milo... ...he was charged with statutory rape"