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Joke of the Day

"SON: Is it true trees kill more people than wild animals do? [tree hiding in broom closet tenses up] DAD: Nonsense. [tree sighs in relief]"

"Scientists have found... ...That people don't give a damn about apathy."

"What's the difference between novocaine and an index finger? One's a digit divisible by two, the other is a prime number."

"I'm sorry, I don't have the energy to walk a mile in your shoes. I'm just going to go ahead & judge you."

"What did the network engineer give to his fiancee? A token ring."

"*knock knock* Go away I'm not home ""I can hear you"" I can hear you too..go away ""I brought food"" What kind of food"

"What's the worst part of a Ukrainian gas station? When you see the tongue drag across your windshield."

"Anybody have some good summer reads for me that...Oh wait. Nevermind. Found my phone"

"Heard a great black joke today. Have you guys heard the one about the honest hard working black guy? Me neither."

"In retrospect, the kidnapping was going according to plan until I blew my nose on the rag I'd soaked with chloroform."