209480

Joke of the Day

"My friend told me he holds a world record in quilt making I suspect his whole story is fabricated."

"Knock-Knock... -Who's there? -Doctor. -Doctor Who? -No, bitch. Doctor House."

"Taylor Swift and Calvin Harris called it quits. But I am looking forward to her next album devoted to the break-up called 'Calvin and Sobs'."

"Not everyone that comes into your life needs to stay there."

"How do you know that a dog is a man's best friend? Take your girl and your dog, and lock them in the back of a car, return in 5 hours, which one do you think will be happy to see you?"

"They aren't so different. A pizza delivery man and a Gynecologist aren't so different when you think about it. They both can smell it, but they can't eat it."

"A friend of mine just started his own business in Afghanistan.. making land mines that look like prayer mats. He's doing very well, business is booming and Prophets are going through the roof."

"I saw someone try to park a car for about 10 minutes. I didn't see the driver so I'm not going to assume what gender she was."

"What do toys and boobs have in common? They're both made for kids, but dad ends up playing with them."

"The painters I just got my house painted, and they gave me a bill that said $0. I asked them, ""Why aren't you charging me for the paint?"" They said, ""Don't worry about it, it's on the house."""