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Joke of the Day

"Q: Why did the little refrigerator salute the big refrigerator? A: Because he was General Electric."

"[3 AM] 5yo: *sobbing* Daddy Me: Ughhh..yes, sweetheart, what's wrong? 5yo: I'm lonely... Me: Then, don't ever get married. 5yo: Ok, Daddy."

"The wife asked me, ""When you're on a business trip away, do you think about me?"" Apparently ""Only to stop myself from cumming too quickly"" wasn't the right answer."

"A frog is sitting on a lily pad in the middle of what is clearly a river. He shouts to a toad on the shore, ""Hey, look at me, I'm on a lake!"" The toad yells back, ""Naw man, you're in de-nile"""

"The consensus after the election is that 100% of Americans think 50% of Americans have lost their minds."

"Want to feel old? Tsar Simeon I of Bulgaria would be 1,150 years old today!"

"Make sure you always tip the people who make your pizza... They knead the dough."

"What do you call movie night at Bill Cosby's house? Netflix and pill"

"How many cops does it take to change a light bulb? Two... One to beat the the room for being black and the other to beat the switch for being broke."

"Don't read ""part a"" backwards. It's a trap."