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Joke of the Day

"Love voicemails from my grandma that start with ""hello?....HELLO??..."" and end with her trying to dial another number."

"I got some new underwear the other day. Well, new to me."

"Whats the difference between a cat and a comma? One has claws at the end of its paws and one is a pause at the end of a clause."

"I thought I might be pregnant. It turns out I'm just three months fat."

"how wide is the universe? how long is a piece of string theory"

"2 interesting facts about me * 1) My dick is not as big as a footlong at Subway * 2) I'm no longer allowed in Subway"

"I'm not sure I understand What The Hell you're talking about....But.....you're showing cleavage, so I will listen."

"This bottle of vodka was on sale. So yes, I will party like it's $19.99."

"Favorite Old People Jokes"

"So I just started my own indoor ship production company. Production was great, until sales started going through the roof."