125907

Joke of the Day

"So I just started my own indoor ship production company. Production was great, until sales started going through the roof."

"If i ever become a vet, I'm naming my clinic ""Bitches get Stitches."""

"I want to meet myself from someone else's point of view."

"Wives live longer than their husbands.. because they are not married to a woman (Courtesy ""Whose Line It is Anyway"")"

"My neighbor's wife asked me if I wanted to help make her husband jealous... I said ""sure!"" and hung myself in the bedroom closet."

"I hate having OCD - do you realize what it's like to feel somewhat compelled to wash your hands nearly every time you go to the bathroom?!?"

"how did the hipster burn his tongue? He sipped his coffee before it was cool"

"My doctor wrote me a prescription for ""dailysex""... But the wife had to break it to me that it was actually for ""dyslexia""."

"When somebody unfollows me, I want to go on a shopping spree and walk into their house while holding bags and say, ""Big mistake. Big. Huge!"""

"I just joined Twitter; it's really easy to follow people. Too bad it cuts into my exercise."