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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a baby Matt Damon? A new-Bourne"

"I got fired from being the events coordinator at the local orphanage. I think it's cause family day never really took off"

"My dad happens to be an umpire at a restaurant. So whenever somebody order pancakes, he immediately screams ""Batter up!"""

"I'm teaching my 2 year old about currency so I can figure out what coin she just swallowed."

"What did one candle say to the other? ""Don't birthdays burn you up?"""

"Whenever I get a ""Final Notice"" letter from a bill collector, I assume this concludes our business transaction."

"I got food poisoning... Not sure when I'm a gonna use it."

"What do you get when you mix gangsta rap and relational aesthetics? Albums released through California penal records."

"Difference between rain in India and USA is that in USA the water disappears in 5 minutes. In India the road disappears in 5 minutes"

"Guys, when she complains about something you didn't do, tell her about the things you did do. That will make everything ok! You're welcome!"