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Joke of the Day

"Just because nobody complains Doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect."

"midterms and finals are like prayers to god. i never get answers."

"Men want to be him. Women want to be with him. Bears want to eat him. Botflies want to lay their eggs in his skin. Fish are unaware of him."

"The older I get, the farther apart I spread my feet when I use a urinal. Soon, I will be doing a Jean-Claude Van Damme split when I piss."

"At the bank, I told the teller I'd like to open a joint account She asked ""Okay, with whom?"" ""With whoever had the most money"" I answered"

"Who has one thumb and survived a band saw accident? This guy!!!"

"How did that bullfight come out? Oh it was a toss-up!"

"The Indian food market My buddy asked me if I wanted to get lunch with him at the new Indian food market and I said namaste (nah... ima stay)"

"I realize I put this off but how much weight can I lose in 2 hours?"

"Your momma's so stupid... ...she asked what army Colonel Sanders was in."