58379

Joke of the Day

"The older I get, the farther apart I spread my feet when I use a urinal. Soon, I will be doing a Jean-Claude Van Damme split when I piss."

"God: Women will bleed for a week. Universe: What will men do for pleasure at that time? God: *sigh* Fine. Mouths. But they'll talk. A lot."

"When I meet a celebrity I like to bring a ceiling fan with me so I can be all ""Nice to meet you. Big fan""."

"Tweets that proclaim ""your a idiot"" never fail to delight me."

"Q: What do a coffin and a condom have in common? A: They're both filled with stiffs one's coming one's going."

"You hear about the new cemetery? People are dying to get in there..."

"Whenever a long lost friend calls me, I get suspicious & wonder if he's calling me to sell Amway products.."

"What do tofu and dildos have in common? They serve as makeshift substitutes for people who have forsaken meat."

"I'll see your fun outdoor activity and raise you a nap."

"I like my humor how I like my sex Dry and uncomfortable."