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Joke of the Day

"At the bank, I told the teller I'd like to open a joint account She asked ""Okay, with whom?"" ""With whoever had the most money"" I answered"

"In the old days you could send your kid to the store with a note to get your cigarettes. Now they need a mask and a knife."

"Bed Bath & Beyond starts off pretty normal-sounding, but then it goes galactic."

"If you watch Cinderella backwards... ..it's about a women who learns her place. Old one but still funny."

"Oscar Pistorius really wanted a new bathroom door but his girlfriend was dead against it."

"I love comfort food. I'm going to eat a quilt."

"I must be emotionally constipated ...because I haven't given a shit in days"

"Did you hear about the midget psychic that escaped from jail? He's a small medium at large."

"I bet the dude that invented toast just burnt the bread and didn't want to tell anyone."

"What do you call a privileged post office? Cis White Mail"