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Joke of the Day

"midterms and finals are like prayers to god. i never get answers."

"*walks up to Michael Cohen's door* ""Knock knock."" ""Who's there?"" ""Says."" ""Says who?"" ""THE POLLS. ALL OF THEM."""

"I met a man who gets turned on by conversation today. We were talking and it just came up."

"What's the opposite of Christopher Reeves? Christopher Walken"

"I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already"

"What did the mortician say to the corpse? We're gonna need more lube."

"Ghana has eliminated the U.S. from last two World Cups... They're probably Ghana do it again."

"Damn girl, are you bubble wrap? Because you're fun to run over with my bike"

"Next on CNN, 600 hours of guessing what happened to a plane."

"For sale: $300 King size mattress & box spring, 6 mo old, Never had sex on it, not even once. IDK ask her."