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Joke of the Day

"'You never get anything right' complained the teacher. 'What kind of job do you think you'll get when you leave school ?' 'Well I want to be the weather girl on TV.'"

"Tell me your best one-liner. I'll start. Scientists have discovered that diarrhea runs in the genes."

"What cause of death prevents a man from having a closed-casket funeral? Viagra overdose"

"My spirit animal is a parasite that swims up your pee hole and plants an egg sac using its hook-like barbs."

"When I die I want my body to be donated to science Specifically, a scientist who is working on bringing dead guys back to life."

"You want just one cow for those magic beans? Idk, I'm suspicious, magic beans sounds like the sort of thing that would cost 2 cows."

"I had an addiction to soap... but thanks to some dirty bastards stealing all of it, I am clean now."

"The Vietnamese world domination: one nail salon at a time."

"Q: What do ghosts like to chew? A: Boobble gum."

"What do American beer and sex on a boat have in common? Both are fucking close to water."