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Joke of the Day

"You want just one cow for those magic beans? Idk, I'm suspicious, magic beans sounds like the sort of thing that would cost 2 cows."

"Newspaper and IPAD I told my girlfriend to get me a newspaper. ""Don't be silly"", she replied. ""Borrow my iPad."" .... That spider didn't knew what f***ing hit it."

"When one door closes, another opens. Also, you can open the closed door. That's how doors work."

"Why did the traffic light turn red? Because it saw the other one changing!"

"I just want to apologize to all the guys I dated BEFORE I started using Prozac. And to their wives. And their local fire departments."

"Every time someone uses the word ""intense"", Chuck Norris always replies ""you know what else is intense?"" followed by a roundhouse kick to the face."

"Look At Me Darling Man Looked His Naked Body In Mirror And Said To The Wife Man: ""Look 70 Kgs Of Pure Dynamite"" Wife Smiled And Reply: ""But Shame On The 5cm Fuse"""

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Alpaca ! Alpaca who ? Alpaca picnic lunch !"

"Tiger Woods: He puts the semen in product endorsements. And women. I mean he used to. Crap, can I start over? I've almost got this."

"What's the most annoying thing about making cheese? The curds get in the whey!"