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Joke of the Day

"You want just one cow for those magic beans? Idk, I'm suspicious, magic beans sounds like the sort of thing that would cost 2 cows."

"Jokerino Why did the tire pop? Because it retired."

"2 Muslims walk into a bar. The bar explodes."

"I don't usually sleep enough, but when I do, its still not enough."

"If you like someone, pretend they're a charger and you're an iPhone on 1%. Run to them. Grab them. Plug them in. Wait, I lost the metaphor."

"Kids make friends in 5 seconds, adults make friends in 5 drinks."

"ME: Billions of bacteria live on and inside my body INTERVIEWER: I meant tell me about yourself job-wise"

"What is the difference between a single 40-year-old woman and a single 40-year-old man? The 40-year-old woman thinks often of having children and the man thinks often about dating them."

"A man walks into a convenience store.. A man walks into a convenience store to buy a pack of condoms .. The clerk asks if he would like a bag .. He responds ""No thanks, she's not that ugly,"""

"I rank my kids by how many chores they do and how much they complain. My favorite child is the Roomba."