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Joke of the Day

"What do American beer and sex on a boat have in common? Both are fucking close to water."

"What's a pirate's favourite letter? You'd think ""R"", but his first love be the ""C""."

"If God wanted us to save money for retirement he wouldn't have invented online shopping"

"How many country stars does it take to change a light bulb? Six-1 to change the bulb and 5 to sing about how much they miss the old one."

"After watching the Olympics, a little boy says to his mom, ""When I grow up, I want to be like Ryan Lochte!"" She says, ""Honey, you can't have it both ways."""

"JESUS: so I'm u GOD: yes JESUS: and ur me GOD: yes JESUS: I don't get it GOD: I do JESUS: how can one of us get it & not the other GOD: whoa"

"Sometimes I feel like people are just using me for my likes."

"""When you wife asked you to buy her car, why did you buy her a diamond instead?"" ""Because I couldn't find a fake car."""

"What did the cannibal ask for at the cruiseline buffet? The passenger list."

"Reddit, Funnyjunk, and Digg walk into a bar. They all see 4chan and say to the bartender: ""I'll have what he's having."""