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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend wants a Christmas Gift she can wear... I'm going to give her a facial."

"ok kids, this is a smoke detector, if you hear it beeping change the battery, if it's still beeping, check to see if ur on fire"

"There is no single shoe store near me... They all seem to sell them in pairs. ^^^sorry ^^^if ^^^not ^^^OC"

"A programmer goes to do groceries. His wife tell him: -- Buy a loaf of bread, and if they have eggs, buy a dozen. He comes back with thirteen loaves of bread. -- But why?, she asks. -- They had eggs."

"I said I don't want to talk to you, I didn't say ignore me. WOMEN"

"Your mama is so ugly that when she met Bill Cosby he made her espresso."

"once you use mac you never go back. there's literally no escape"

"People always think I'm gay because I'm a confident person, I hate that... ... I'm gay because I fuck men."

"How many amoebae does it take to change a lightbulb one no, two no, four eight, 16, 32...."

"Why is the white girl so odd? Because she can't even. I'll be over in /r/dadjokes if you need me."