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Joke of the Day

"A programmer goes to do groceries. His wife tell him: -- Buy a loaf of bread, and if they have eggs, buy a dozen. He comes back with thirteen loaves of bread. -- But why?, she asks. -- They had eggs."

"There's a lot to be said for having a long term girlfriend And it's all said by her"

"i bet cough drops were invented before candy, because if they were invented after then they'd be called candy."

"Did you know condoms had serial numbers? I guess you've never had to roll it down that far"

"Another previously unknown dinosaur was the Thesaurus who used flowery language to confuse and disorient predators while he made his escape"

"I just heard because of the government shutdown government archeologists are working with a skeleton crew."

"[Gets shot by mugger] Girl walks by: omg are u ok? I'm dying [sees she isn't wearing a ring] I mean I'm fine but not as fine as you, sup?"

"I'm going to create a new app for people who want to find more pornography like the porn they already like. . . Porndora."

"So I heard that Israel recently passed a law to cap banker's salaries... It'll be repealed within 8 to 9 days."

"How long does it take for stormtroopers to obey Kylo Ren? Just the First Order."