3117

Joke of the Day

"ok kids, this is a smoke detector, if you hear it beeping change the battery, if it's still beeping, check to see if ur on fire"

"Wanna know the difference between a street performer and a hobo? The age"

"Who often shoots in the wrong direction? Clint Westwood"

"My dad asked why i have a gun in my house Is said because of the decepticons, i laughed, my dad laughed, the toaster laughed, i shot the toaster, it was a good night."

"I want a family beach vacation. Hubby wants a family ski vacation. Hubby showing kids video of tsunamis. But 2 can play. Avalanche anyone?"

"Is it whisky? Two Chinese men break into a Scottish Distillery. One turns to the other and says ""is it whisky?"". His accomplice turns to him and says ""yes! But not as whisky as wobbing a bank""."

"Wife: How's the baby? Me: He keeps trying to shove socks thru the mail slot. Wife: Aw. His socks or yours? Me: Socks is the neighbor's cat.."

"Two muffins in an oven. One looks at the other and says ""it's hot in here"". The other looks back and says "" holy shit a talkin muffin."""

"What is six inches long, has a bald head, and drives blondes crazy? A hundred dollar bill."

"Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear."