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Joke of the Day

"ok kids, this is a smoke detector, if you hear it beeping change the battery, if it's still beeping, check to see if ur on fire"

"Life is all about trying way too hard to look like you're not trying."

"And God Said to John... ""Come forth and you shall be granted eternal life."" But John came fifth and he won a toaster"

"Geppetto: I wish you were a real boy Pinocchio *begins to sing & dance around* Geppetto: yay! [3 hrs later] Geppetto: This was a mistake"

"Co-worker had a meltdown over someone having a b-day cake. Said since she has no willpower, stop bringing cake in. Tonight, baking cookies."

"SON: Can horses run in the Olympics? DAD: Wouldn't be fair SON: Why not? DAD: [hand on son's shoulder] Usain Bolt is just too fast, buddy"

"Hungry? The hell with a snickers. Look to her cleavage, you'll find at least two snacks there and maybe some stray popcorn."

"Is there a hole in your shoe? No. Then how did you get your foot into it?"

"If I could really LMAO, I could get into these jeans my mom has saved for me since high school."

"Why did Dave Mirra cross the road? To go to the Gun Store!!"