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Joke of the Day

"Just tried to kill a snake in the backyard. And by kill I mean screaming as loudly as a human can in an attempt to make its head explode."

"What is the difference between jam and marmalade? You can't marmalade your dick down someone's throat."

"Did you hear about the dyslexic druggie lawyer who just finished rehab? He's already started suing again."

"I asked my blonde girlfriend to shave her pussy for me I didn't realize Calico's were that skinny."

"What is the difference between my girlfriend and a washing machine? After I dump my load in a washing machine it doesn't follow me around."

"WIFE: Let's role-play ME: OK W: U be a teacher *I get up & leave* W: Where u going? M: Do u have ANY idea how much paperwork I've got to do?"

"It concerns me when someone comes out of the bathroom stall and has to wash their hands all the way up to their elbows"

"How does a deaf guy make a girl cum? By reading to her lips"

"What is DJ Khaled's favorite fraction? 1/9. Because, after the decimal, it's always another one."

"When someone says ""be honest"" what they really mean is: lie to me, but be as convincing as possible."