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Joke of the Day

"When someone says ""be honest"" what they really mean is: lie to me, but be as convincing as possible."

"luke, thats a persons name. whys everybodys star wars name gotta be like, hoobie doodoo or seb neb or something"

"'Mum, can I lick the bowl? ' the child asks ""No!"" Replied the mother, ""just flush like everyone else"""

"I slept like a baby last night 2 hours of sleep and a whole lot of crying"

"An abacus isn't exciting, but it's reliable. You can always count on one."

"Bono and The Edge walks into a bar. The barman says ""Oh God, not U2 again."""

"A tank and a snake are having a heated argument when the snake says ""Shut up! You got penis on your face!"" to which the tank replies ""You got face on your penis!"""

"What has two thumb drives full of porn and forgot his laptop was hooked up to the projector?"

"My dad never loved me as a child. I can't blame him really. I wasn't born until he was an adult."

"An ion walked up to Lost and Found and reported that he had lost an electron. The clerk asked:are you sure? The ion replied :Yes, I am positive.VCN"