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Joke of the Day

"What pokemon spys on you while he has a cold? Peek achoo!"

"Dave is coming over. Dave from work or loud and obvious Dave? Outside: THIS RAIN HAS MADE ME WET. I AM WEARING PANTS. MY EYES ARE BLINKING."

"i've grown my mustache down over my mouth and all the other ventriloquists here are wondering why they never thought of that before"

"Remember when you thought if you accidentally swallowed apple seeds, a tree would grow in your belly? God I miss my 'Thirties'...."

"I was so broke that Rahul Gandhi came in to eat at my house Indian reference"

"I like my women how I like my bicycles, chained up in the garage."

"Crap. Something is wrong with my cell phone. {Oh Really. What is that?} Its just that...your numbers not in it."

"I booked a day trip to Svalbard in April! I get back in August."

"Between IKEA and Burger King, I think it's safe to say we've all eaten entire horses by now."

"Why did the stick-figure man's arm keep hitting him in the face? Because it was the punch line."