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Joke of the Day

"Remember when you thought if you accidentally swallowed apple seeds, a tree would grow in your belly? God I miss my 'Thirties'...."

"Did you hear about the man who jumped into a river in France. He was in Seine.../He was never Seine again..."

"""Thanks for turning me into an expression of contempt. Sorry about making delicious nourishment so damned accessible."" -Low-hanging fruit"

"So, I bought a wok to cook healthy food and I have to say, these french fries don't taste any different."

"Parallel lines have so much in common.... it's a shame they're never gonna meet."

"My only fitness goal is to be able to lift an adult male, approximately the size of my husband, into the trunk of my car without help."

"Lame! I was tricked into watching PS, I Love You! It's definitely NOT about a guy that marries his PlayStation."

"Feeling extremely smug after being the best at pulling over to let an ambulance pass"

"The man who invented chicken nuggets was struggling to make hens' meat"

"What's the difference between a Catholic priest and acne. Acne waits until you're thirteen to come on your face."