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Joke of the Day

"Google glasses? No thanks, too much tech. It's weird ""You can secretly watch Netflix at work"" Oh, please take literally all of my money."

"I tried to catch fog yesterday. Mist"

"People who say ""you can run but you can't hide"" have never played hide & seek with me.. or seen me run."

"Be careful of shoe thieves I hear they're afoot."

"Man, these hotcakes are selling like themselves."

"My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we both are... But I laugh more."

"Did you hear about the guy who got his whole left side cut off? He's all right now"

"How do you give a lemon an orgasm? You tickle its citrus. (all credit to the movie *The Descent*)"

"Allergies I have allergies to Pollen. I just realized that's plant sperm. Now when people ask ""What are you allergic to?"" and can tell them Plant Spern"

"My marriage counselor asked me to think of something me and my wife have in common.... I said, ""Well, we both refuse to suck dick."""