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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the guy who got his whole left side cut off? He's all right now"

"How do you measure a Villanova graduate's I.Q.? With a tire gauge."

"He told me I was too pretty not to smile. So I flipped him off, tackled him and shoved my middle finger up his nose. Now I'm smiling."

"Life can be compared to a 'Choose your own adventure' book. Sometimes there's a happy ending; sometimes you get eaten by a bear."

"What is Batman's favorite thing to do with his money? Make it Wayne."

"The United Nations is like a black father You know it exists but it's just never there when you need it ."

"The wife of my friend is not a woman to me. But if she's pretty he's not my friend."

"I painted 1 room & then the hallway and room next to it looked kinda shabby and I'm guessing this is how plastic surgery gets out of hand."

"ME: If home is where the heart is, I guess I live under a canopy of bloody bones. DMV WORKER: I'm not putting that on your license."

"I'm putting my standards up for adoption Because I can't raise them anymore"